Temptations abound as you prepare to leave your current duty station on PCS orders.
Mentally, you will think of the never-ending to-do lists that must be accomplished. The more complicated your life has become, the more to-dos you have.
Spiritually, you will be torn from the healthy rhythms and relationships God has used to grow you in this season as you simultaneously face the fear of the unknown ahead.
At work, you will face the temptation to “drop your pack” and loaf your way to your departure.
At church, you will either start to sever the relationships that have served you well, or you will scramble to soak up every ounce of time with every relationship, clinging to them as an excuse to neglect some chores that actually do need to be done. Or maybe, you just vanish like a ninja- not telling anyone that you’re leaving.
Of course, in all of these matters, the steps of grief will be ever-present: Denial, Bargaining/Fantasy, Anger, Isolation… sounding familiar?
“Yup, you nailed it. But what do I do?”
Great question. Honestly, it’s a battle. You will have to fight. But fight for the right things in the right ways, not in your flesh.
Fight for godly rhythms and disciplines. Carry this concept throughout the transition. I pray that you have regular time with the Lord in Bible reading and prayer, regular meals together as a family, healthy sleep schedules, and healthy rhythms of work and rest. Yes, this season will test every one of those rhythms. You must fight to keep them and pray that God will fight with you and for you in these important matters.
If you do not have some of these rhythms, use the disruption to your regular schedule as an opportunity to put them in place. These may sound like rules, but they will serve you well.
“We’re going to stop and eat dinner as a family every night even if it is pizza on the floor of our house surrounded by boxes or PB&J on the side of the interstate.”
“We’re going to stop unpacking boxes by 9:00 p.m. every night so that we can get some sleep.”
“Yes, there’s a lot to do, but we’re going to church on Sunday.”
“Yes, there are a thousand boxes to unpack, but I’m going to sit on the floor and read my Bible before I tackle the days’ tasks.”
Offload the least important things first. There is a lot to do. Which means that you cannot do all the things in your life AND move. Something will have to give. So, choose to begin offloading the least important things on your calendar and to-do lists while maintaining the most important and life-giving things in your life. This intentionality will lower the stress of the move.
Tell people you’re leaving! Perhaps you are reading this article because you told someone that you’re moving and they recommended it to you. Great! If you, however, are keeping this move a secret or just assume everyone somehow knows, change course and communicate. Tell your spouse, your boss, your co-workers, your church leadership, and fellow church members.
When you have told peple, you will then be able to grieve and walk through this transition together.
Fight for love and unity in your home. The Bible is clear, “…we do not wrestle against flesh and blood…” (Ephesians 6:12). Your spouse is not your enemy. Your children are not your enemy. Your parents are not your enemy. Don’t treat them as though they are.
Satan loves to find life’s disruptions and use them for his evil schemes. Don’t let him do it. Fight for love and unity in your home.
Finish well at work. We’ve all seen the person who “drops their pack” or is on the “ROAD (Retired on Active Duty)” program. Don’t do it. The book of Proverbs is clear that sloth (laziness) is awful to the human soul. Just one example of many, “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.” (Proverbs 13:4)
Stay engaged at church. Honor the relationships you have formed with thanksgiving and joy. Remind one another that there is no “goodbye” between Christians- only “see you later”. While we may never see each other again in this life, we will be together forever in the life to come.
Train the next person up everywhere. I trust that you have been an important part of your workplace, church, etc. As you tell people that you’re leaving, ensure you are also paving the way for other people to step into your place.
At work, this instruction is liekly unnecessary because there is a clear process for how it will happen. But what about the Bible study you lead at church? Have you trained your replacement? Do you serve in the children’s ministry or greeting team? Find a member of the church who is also an active-duty family who recently joined the church, and usher them into the areas of service that you have found helpful.
Give and receive grace. I hesitate to write articles like this because I know that you will fall short in most of these areas.
How do I know that? Because I fell short in every one of my military moves. And the hundreds of Christian families I have watched do this for the past few decades fail as well.
We’re not going to do this perfectly, but let us strive in these things seeking the Lord’s help in every step. And when we fail, or others fail us, may we give and receive grace from the Lord and one another.
I love you guys,
Brian O’Day
Brian O'Day 