Church Leader, Start a Deploying Well Group

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15 [ESV])

There is a lot of weeping associated with military deployments. And, perhaps surprisingly, there is a lot of rejoicing as well. We do well to experience this weeping and rejoicing in community with one another.

This is why I encourage you to start a Deploying Well Group at your church, and why I want to help you do it.

My wife, Kelli, and I have been leading a group like this in our home for most of the last eight years. It has been extremely life-giving for us and for those we have served in this way. This will not be the easiest group you could start, but it may be the most fruitful.

Who will be in the group? We define the population for this group like this: Married or engaged couples who are experiencing a military deployment of 90 days or more. They are encouraged to be a part of the group from 90 days pre-deployment through 90 days post-deploymet.

Obviously, the deployed service member is not able to join us during the deployment, but he is there for the pre- and post-deployment seasons, and I work to stay in touch with them throughout their time with the group.

Singles are not a part of this group. I work with deploying singles differently. We can’t have a single guy in a group of ladies whose husbands are all deployed… it is unwise at best.

Who will lead the group? A married couple who thrive in hospitality and care are necessary. Ideally, a couple with military deployment experience leads this group, but this experience is not necessary. The leaders will create space for these couples to talk about this massively significant event happening in their lives, help them process it with one another, and speak biblical truth into their experiences.

Did I mention the weeping part? One day, a couple of years ago, we had four wives walk into our home with their children in tow- husbands were all deployed. It was a normal Wednesday evening in our home. Until one of them says, “You should probably know that we just found out that the deployment has been extended.” What followed was these ladies verbally, emotionally, and spiritually processing this news… together… with us… in a safe place.

These are the nights that the leaders of this group need to embrace. The leaders on these nights cannot cower from the personal discomfort, or do damage with trite Bible passages slapped onto the pain like a band-aid on a sucking chest wound. Choose the right leaders for this work.

What will we do in this group? We keep it pretty simple:

• We eat a meal together.
• We move to our living room where they quietly complete a Weekly Check-In sheet.
• We go around the room and they share what they would like from their paper with the group.
• We discuss one of the Deploying Well article topics and/or a Bible passage. Each week, I simply choose what I think will be helpful based on the group I anticipate showing up that week. Sometimes we have pre-, during-, and post-deployment people in the room. But it works. They all share and learn from one another.
• We linger for a bit as they need to, and then they head home. That’s it!

Where will we meet? Ideally, in the home of the leaders or a host home that is helping to lead the group. I suppose you could meet at the church building or a third space, but a home would be best. I would not meet in the home of one of those who are deployed.

How often will the group meet? Experiment. We met weekly for years. However, right now we meet twice per month. My goal is that they are also a part of another small group in the life of our church. Less than weekly helps with that goal.

If you have made it this far in the article, I trust that you have what you need to start this group in your church. Let’s do this.

If you have military members in your church who are experiencing military deployments, I believe this type of ministry is necessary in the life of the church. To paraphrase G.K. Chesterton: “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly at first.” Get out there and start a group. I’m sure it won’t be perfect at first. The articles I’m linking you to remain a work in progress. They are far from perfect or polished. For years, I didn’t have a “curriculum” for this group. I made it up as I went. Let’s love these couples and pray that God breathe life into their souls through our feeble attempts.

I love you guys,

Brian O’Day

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