Last Days of Deployment: Prepare for Reunification

You are almost there! You can almost speak to one another these beautiful words that Solomon’s wife spoke to him all those years ago.

“Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.” (Song of Solomon 2:10b-12 [ESV])

To help you make your reunification as husband and wife as joy-filled as possible, allow me to encourage you to discuss a few questions and keep a few thoughts in mind.

A few questions. Start a message thread discussing these questions to begin to align your expectations with one another as you reconnect your daily lives.

If one of you expects a quiet few days at home with just the family, and the other plans a surprise party with 50 friends and/or family visiting from out of town… it probably won’t go well.

• What will the first 24 hours look like? Most of you will need to be more clear in your expectations than you have been in answering this question for yourself.
• What will the first week look like? Are you looking forward to time together? Time at home? Trips? Lots of people? Let’s start these conversations early and often.
• Will there be post-deployment leave? If so, when? What will it look like? Where will we go? You can keep this general for now most likely.

A few thoughts. There are a lot of temptations that will seek to sabotage your reunification. Keep these things in mind to fight against such things.

• Take your time. …with everything. There is a temptation to hurry. Don’t. If I may over-generalize for a moment… The husband primarily needs to keep this in mind regarding sex; the wife for conversation and “catching up on all the things”. For both of you, take your time. Honor the other person. Meet them where they are. We’re not in a hurry.
• Over-communicate schedules and logistics. When is work? When do the kids need to be picked up? What time is church? Where do the cups go? What’s happening tomorrow? While this thought may seem to conflict with the previous, I maintain that both are needed.
• Love one another. I know that I have encouraged you to love one another all along this deployment journey. And I know that task has been exceedingly difficult. Loving one another in this season will be a challenge as well. Keep loving each other and get better at it every day.
• You’re still individuals. If your spouse’s mental health depends on going for a long run by themselves 5 days a week, you should probably encourage them to keep that habit. If your spouse’s mental health depends on sleeping longer than you, you should probably let them sleep. Let’s not attempt reunification while cranky. It’s okay to let one another out of your sight for short periods of time- even in the first week.

Lord, would you bless this couple? They are seeking to honor You and one another in their reunification. Please bless them in that endeavor.

I love you guys,

Brian O’Day

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