Pre-Deployment Planning Guide

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.” (Proverbs 4:7-8 [ESV])

It’s time to get to work. Prepare well for this deployment working hard to get wisdom and insight, and I trust the Lord will honor your labor.

What follows are important questions for you to answer personally and then discuss with your spouse and other people in your Deployment Support Team as appropriate. Consider starting a journal specifically for your thoughts and prayers for this deployment journey.

Full Disclosure: Genuinely working through this one article may take a few sittings to do it well. I trust it will be well worth the effort you put into it.

What will communication look like? Different expectations regarding communication can set everyone up for failure when these differing expectations collide in the midst of the already stressful time of a deployment. Take some time to think through these questions.

• How will you communicate? What will be available to you? (Email (which email address?), Signal, WhatsApp, Phone, etc.)
• How often do you intend to communicate with each person of your Deployment Support Team?
• Have you communicated with your team how often you would like to communicate with them and they with you?
  • “My amazing husband, I look forward to our talks every morning, noon, and night!”
  • “My bride, I look forward to talking at least once per month.”
  • Let’s work to align these expectations sooner than later!

How will you continue to grow your relationship with God? Your spiritual journey doesn’t stop during this deployment cycle. Take the time to seriously consider how you will engage with God through the spiritual disciplines.

• Consistent Bible Reading and Prayer.
  • When and how will you do this?
  • If you are not in the practice of regularly reading the Bible for yourself, this is an excellent time to start such a journey. I have another journey of articles on this topic that I highly recommend you complete alongside this one.
• Edifying Books to Read.
  • What will you read? (Your pastor or spiritual mentor will likely have recommendations for you on this one!)
  • How will you read them? (Actual books? A digital reader?)
  • How will you get more reading material if you read all that you brought?
• Listen to Sermons. Will you be able to listen to the sermons from your home church and/or the church where your family is attending during deployment?
  • Listening to the same sermons as your family and/or of your spiritual mentor will have more practical benefit than just listening to the “best” preachers on the internet.
  • Talk with your spouse about a recent sermon that you were both able to listen to- one in person and the other from afar.
  • Talk with your pastor about how his sermon has helped you on deployment. This will encourage him greatly!
• Attend or Start a Bible Study. Get together with other believers and study the Bible together. If one exists, jump in. If none exist where you are, talk with your spiritual mentor/church and chaplain about your ability to start one.

In what ways will you continue to grow your relationship with your spouse? If you’re married, you’re still married throughout the deployment cycle. This is the time to press into your relationship- not take a break from it.

One of the unique challenges during this season of separation is knowing what to talk about. Most of the time, talking about your individual daily routines and frustrations will be less productive than other things you could discuss instead. Here are a few ideas- which ones will you implement?

• Read the same book and discuss. Have you ever read a marriage book together? Or have you read the same Christian book together and discussed it? How about a parenting book? (Again, I’m sure your spiritual mentor(s) will have some ideas of great books to read!)
• Pray for one another. You should certainly be doing this individually, but have you ever prayed for your spouse where they can hear (or read) your prayers for them? During deployment, you can do this over the phone, text message, or email.
• Relieve burdens from one another. What has your spouse been in the habit of doing for the family that it now makes more sense that you do it or that you pay to have it done? Perhaps a husband will encourage a paid babysitter for his wife regularly during his deployment, or the wife will offer to handle the budget while her husband is deployed. Perhaps they will pay for lawn care during this season so focus can be spent elsewhere. Have these discussions early and often before and during the deployment. (You will also want to re-visit these discussions during reunification.)

In what ways will you grow your relationship with your children during deployment? Despite the challenges you are facing, your children need you to be engaged in their lives. What can you do to grow them and your relationship with them?

• Read books aloud on a recorded format. This can be audio or video. The child can look at the book and hear the deployed parent reading to them!
• Record your prayers for them. One dad I know did this very faithfully. He was typically the one who prayed for the children each night before bed. So he would send a new recorded prayer to his wife for each child every few weeks. By the end of the deployment she had multiple prayers for each child and would play them as their nighttime prayers together.
• Write letters and/or emails to them. They will appreciate this from a far younger age than you might imagine. I wrote one-sentence emails to my 5-year-old sons (twins) when I was deployed. They would respond by hunting and pecking their name on the keyboard. They knew their dad loved them and was thinking about them. And I knew that they heard it and reciprocated in the best way they knew how.
• Speak positively about the deployment and your/their role in it. Read that sentence again. Maybe I should have put that first. Say it aloud as you read, “I will speak positively about this deployment in front of my children.” This MUST be your mantra. Bad-mouthing the deployment, the unit, your spouse, the military, or anything like that in front of your children doesn’t help anyone. Don’t do it. Please make that commitment today.

What boundaries do you need to put in place to maintain sexual purity? Ready for an obvious statement? This deployment is full of landmines for a person who aims for biblical sexual purity. Make sure you discuss this with your spouse and the Deployment Support Team members with whom it is appropriate.

• What particular challenges will you face regarding purity during the deployment?
• What particular challenges will your spouse face?
• What boundaries do you need to put in place for such challenges?
• Stay tuned as the next two articles in this journey will expand on this topic of sexual purity.

I pray this article has sparked your thinking and your preparation. Taking the time to diligently prepare by working through these questions will pay massive dividends and will help you to thrive and grow during this deployment season.

If you have read this article all the way through without making a plan, set aside some time in the days ahead to make such a plan. I highly encourage writing it down.

Which aspects of this plan do you need to discuss with the various members of your Deployment Support Team?

Keep going on this journey! The work that you put in now will help you greatly in the weeks and months to come!

I love you guys,

Brian O’Day

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