Sure, there are many disadvantages of military marriage, but have you ever considered the advantages?
Absence Reallly Does Make the Heart Grow Fonder. The picture above is one of the best days of my life- it’s the day I returned from my third deployment. The days I returned from my other deployments were also some of the best days of my life. The joy of these days shines brighter set against the dark backdrop of separation. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Deployments are Marriage Accelerators. Times of deployment and other separations accelerate marriage. The dark side of this reality (seen far too often) is that if a marriage is on the rocks, a deployment will likely send it over the cliff. It will accelerate it towards the destruction it was already headed for.
However, if your marriage is going well, deployments and separation will often accelerate that too. While I can’t fully explain the reasons, anecdotally I am sure it is true.
Separation Builds Interdependence. Marriage works best when the two of you are interdependent. Not independent where you don’t need the other person at all. And not dependent where you can’t live without them. Interdependent where your individual lives are beautifully woven together creating something more beautiful than either of you could ever be alone.
When you are separated, you learn to value what your spouse brings into the relationship. You tend to overlook all the annoyances of living together daily. For my wife, it was that I would use “5,000 glasses a day” that needed to be gathered from around the house and washed. When I was gone, she missed that chore because it meant I wasn’t around. She missed her companion and the sometimes annoying signs of my presence became merely little reminders of my absence. Seeing one another’s value in the relationship keeps us from independence.
When you are separated, you also learn how to do things on your own. I learned how to wash my own dishes! During one of my deployments, I even had to hand wash my clothes in a tub. I learned that I could do things myself instead of being overly dependent on my wife who cared well for me and many of the household chores that I all too often took for granted. My wife learned that she could get a car fixed, or appliances replaced, or the host of other things without getting scammed. (Everything seems to break down when we’re gone!)
So times of separation are building beautiful interdependence in our marriages. I know these times are difficult, but allow them to do their work in you.
I love you guys,
Brian O’Day
Brian O'Day 